My life before Christ was of course, one spent in darkness. i excelled in my quest to fill the void within, always coming up empty-handed. Over the years, i had built up wall upon wall upon wall and had sculpted, to perfection, the mask i wore. i ran across the country and back, only to find i was still everywhere i went. ?? Still plastered with labels that exhausted me. As much as i wanted to be free from it all, ultimately, i was powerless in letting go.
2 years ago, i began working with Pam, a Christian woman. It was just the 2 of us, 5 days a week. all day, every day. By our 3rd day together, Jesus was the topic of all our conversation. She had an answer to every question i posed, and in my heart, i knew the right answer had finally come my way. She suggested i check out Calvary Chapel... it took me about 3 weeks and one last really really really drunken night before i walked through the doors. iIremember driving there, by myself, Sunday morning, so excited because i just knew i was going to my church home. The service ended, pastor danny gave an altar call, and that began my life with Christ.
As you all know, life is not quite the same after that. I was stunned to wake up the next morning and find that curse words actually hurt my ears. Not only did they hurt, but oddly enough, I couldn't even utter one. I remember just standing still, like, what is going on? Something strange was taking place inside me? He took away my desires to drink and drug... and that was only the beginning. Throughout the past 2 years, He has transformed me in ways i never thought possible. He has made Himself so very real to me. As a former know-it-all, it's an adventure in itself learning I really knew nothing. and to have your new Teacher be your very Creator? Whoa.
When I felt led to this workshop, I put it in the back of my head to go to it. Oops, I forgot. I ended up getting to the 2nd class, after my persistence in telling Him I really didn't need it. After all, I really wasn't "stuck." HA! The first "lesson" of the conversations I entertain in my head was, to say the least, shocking! Not only the frequency of them, but the content?! This workshop equipped me with the tools that are priceless for this journey. The most valuable thing i take away with me right now is that it's ok to be vulnerable. It's my doorway to trust, and a deeper faith. And then He said: "It's ok for walls to crumble around you, as long as you're standing upon the ROCK!"